Learning to Love Yourself

“She lacks confidence, she craves admiration insatiably. She lives on the reflections of herself in the eyes of others. She does not dare to be herself.” 
- Anais Nin

Your greatest task is learning to love yourself. For some people this comes very easily, but for others it is the hardest thing they will EVER do, and some people go through their entire lives and never do it at all. No other work can be done in your life until this takes place. Period. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you absolutely WILL NOT know how to love anyone else. You will only end up hurt, broken, empty and, most times, very much alone in this world. This is very sad, indeed. You can spend your entire existence looking for approval from other people, seeking affection and love, and even if you get it, it still won’t satisfy you and it will never be enough to fill the void within. The gaping hole within you that you seek to fill with someone else’s kind words and unconditional acceptance can only be filled by your own self-love and self-acceptance. No one else and nothing else will do it. This work is yours and yours alone.

We tend to go through life seeking our own reflection through the eyes of someone else because we are unable to see ourselves clearly, nor are we ever even taught to. Majority of us have been programmed with the illusions of fairy tales…of the princess being saved by the prince on the white horse. He rescues her and she is fulfilled. Happily ever after, right? Um, no, actually… not at all. That is NOT the end of the story. The princess needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet and to be ok with or without that prince. You will end up waiting for a very long time if you are waiting for someone else to come and save you and love you. You can absolutely save yourself and love yourself. Loving yourself is actually the first step of being in a relationship with another person. This is the foundation that healthy, fulfilling relationships are built upon. You must do your own work, and sift through your own stuff. No one is going to do this for you. No one is coming to rescue you. Relying on love and affection from another person is a trap. You will feel amazing when you get their love and approval but when you don’t, you will feel worthless. It is a constant chase. You will always be seeking that high, that feeling of being enough. But what if you, in your own heart and mind, determined that you ARE enough, with or without anyone’s say-so? It is just a shift in perception, that’s all it is. When you are seeking love or approval on the outside, this is coming from a place of fear and lack. But when you know that you are complete and worthy even without anyone’s stamp of approval, this is coming from a place of love and this is true, authentic power. True, authentic power can never be given to you or taken from you. When you dare to be yourself, you step into your power and actualize your highest potential. You live from the place of eternal love and divinity that is within you… it’s always been there and it will always be there, you just need to find it. And let’s stop focusing on what other people have done to zap your power. If you look at yourself honestly, you will see that, time and time again, it’s YOU who zaps your own power. You do this by your own internal dialogue…

“I’m so stupid!”
“She’s so much prettier than me!”
“I don’t deserve this or that…”

We do it to ourselves most times, and this can be credited to TV and magazines and all these outlets that constantly tell us that we are not good enough, but you don’t have to believe it. You don’t need to buy into the bullshit. Rise above it. Speak to yourself kindly and lovingly. Encourage and empower yourself, daily. The moment you change your inner dialogue, your entire world will change.

And, let’s just take this a step further… 

Lots of people, even myself included, seek happiness, love and fulfillment in material things. Retail therapy, right girls? Now, although this brings some feelings of happiness and contentment, it will not last, it is not permanent and it is not even real. It is superficial. Things can be taken from you and they surely will be, at some point or another. No matter how cute those shoes are or how fly your car is, none of it will take the place of true self-love and legitimate fulfillment. Just do your inner work. Easier said than done, you say?

Here’s 3 ways to begin loving yourself today:

1. Incorporate meditation into your daily life. Nothing says ‘I love myself’ like scheduling me-time. You may be busy and tired, but these are all the more reasons to take time out of YOUR day (please remember that… It is YOUR day too!) and connect with your inner self. Just a few minutes of sitting quietly and allowing yourself to be still is creating so many positive changes! Schedule a non-negotiable meditation time into your daily routine and witness the ridiculously amazing changes that will take place…

2. Exercise, every single day! Your body is an incredible vehicle! It needs daily maintenance and this includes movement. Exercise is cheaper than anti-depressants and far less dangerous. Regular exercise (preferably outdoors) will boost your endorphins, creating a delicious, happy feeling! Going for a walk outside every day really delivers you into the present moment and allows you to be here now. It is always an adventure and you never know what will happen. Love yourself enough to take the time to care for your body.

3. Eat with LOVE! Only fill yourself with living foods and foods that will nourish your body. There is nothing loving about meat, and it’s vibration is terrible. It will only cause sickness and sadness to you, the animals and the planet. Fruits and vegetables have been given to us, with love from our Mother Earth. You will feel a marked difference once you make the switch to a living-foods diet! And STOP FEELING GUILTY FOR EATING! Seriously! We need food to live and to ascertain nutrients to fuel our body, so don’t feel bad about it. Feeling bad about it will only make you feel bad. And if you are going to indulge, just do it and love every moment of it.

Like Ram Dass said, “Your problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.” We do this because it’s comfortable and it’s what we’ve learned here, but we don’t necessarily have to live this way. Life becomes a beautiful, easy journey once we drop the illusion of incompleteness and instead, embrace the reality of our wholeness.